Tag Archives: uh huh her

don’t waste my time…

I’m at work. It’s rather boring but at least something to do. I’d rather be in bed at this point. Whatever.

I rearranged the furniture in my room which makes it look a little smaller but I’m happy with how it turned out. I also put away all of my clean laundry which is a huge success on my part. I still have to put the books in the bookcase that I moved into my room, but I think it’ll work out well. The living room does look a little bit bare but that’s really not my problem. Laura cleaned the bathroom and the kitchen looks awesome from Amanda and I cleaning it Saturday night. All in all the hosue is shaping up well and I’m proud of what we’ve accomplished. I also hung my paintings in the front room so it looks more homey.

Amanda and I had dinner last night and it was very romantic. We had been arguing about Sunday afternoon when I went to pick her up from work (as she had asked via text) to find out she’d be another hour. I wasn’t so much mad that I had to wait, but I’d been cleaning and I wanted her to come in and be all surprised. I ended up buying too much chinese food for dinner and making myself sick as I ate my feelings. She went home after dropping me back off at the house and we had a semi-argument. I think I was just being grumpy but I did apologize because I do like coming to get her from work and I don’t honestly mind waiting, I just wished I had known and actively chosen to come early and wait in the car for an hour.

Other than that, the week started off well. I’ve gone to all my classes (all 3 of them yesterday) and I came to work this morning. I think Amanda’s coming over again this afternoon. Jerry is supposed to show the house around 4.30 I guess but i’ll believe it when it happens. He also asked me for rent which I obviously do not have and so I told him I was waiting for the college to reimburse me. I went to the office again yesterday afternoon after my writing class and the same bitchy woman at the desk told me they’d be out sometime before the end of the month. She just doesn’t understand how important the money is and I’ve tried to explain so as to elicit a more compassionate and hopefully positive response but she just gets pissier.

they tell me everything is alright…

The sound of E and Laura having sex in the room next door is sort of unnerving.  And then it’s a little awkward when I pick up my computer to leave and the door slowly opens, sees me leaving to go to my own room, and shuts again. It continues to be most uncomfortable for at least my party when I emerge from my bedroom in order to relieve myself before sleep and someone is in the bathroom washing their hands. Or something.  I don’t think of myself as a prude, I’d just rather not specifically hear what it is you do behind closed doors. Quite literally closed doors in fact.

I skipped my first class again today, the same one from Tuesday. I guess having crazy sex with Amanda (again?) is my excuse, except for the non-crazy part. She wanted to get high again today and I’m sort of curious if she think she needs to be high to have great sex, or if she likes being high, or if being high and great sex just seems to amplify the effects for her. I’m going to vouch for the latter. 

Her being high doesn’t always mean she’s better at having sex however. I mean it wasn’t awful but yeah, it’s been better. She’s just always rushing and I don’t know what the hurry is. I’d rather she made me beg for it actually because I feel like then I’d be guaranteed a good return on the investment, so to speak. God, saying that makes me sound awful. But then afterwards when we were cuddling, she got all upset at herself about it being lackluster. It’s not like she hurt me, although it was a tad uncomfortable briefly. She essentially she feels like shit over it and I feel bad as well, but only because she does. I’m too empathetic for my own good. 

I just noticed my bottom teeth are crooked. I also recently chipped a tooth. I need to stop biting my fingernails, I think that’s a key culprit, especially as to why the porcelain veneer didn’t stay the first time. Oh well, it’s distinguishing right? Amanda says I’m the only one who notices it, but there’s not much I can do now since I don’t have dental insurance anymore. 

Again, a new topic completely without transition, Tree. Who I cannot stand. Amanda and E discussed her this evening after I picked Amanda up from work. Laura agrees with me that the woman is a child predator working in that school. What kind of 40 year old woman goes out to dinner with her former students? She’s perpetually stuck in highschool (both literally and socially speaking). The woman graduated from Brown but she lives with her mother. She’s just fucked up, I can’t explain it. In fact, to top it all off, she hates my guts and no matter how nice I try to be to her she’s just rude. Laura and I have agreed it’s because she wants Amanda’s shit. 

I’m not sure what’s in store for the weekend. I’m opening at sbux sunday morning and Amanda’s driving so Saturday night plans seem out of the question. I’ve heard suggestions of a party here tomorrow but I’m not sure they can pull it together in time.

don’t mind, it’s a common reaction…

So I think it’s funny that two years ago the idea that E was coming to the house tonight to stay would have completely freaked me out and probably conjured images of scenarios I’m purposely avoiding thinking about. It’s amazing to think what can change in just a small span of time.

A year ago was my first Shepard meeting. We met last night (I also went to the first Amnesty International meeting of the year by accident since they’re held in the same room an hour apart) at 8 and it was so awesome to see everyone again. Adrianna ended up coming over and we smoked for awhile. Really, it’s so unlike me to be the pothead but it’s been accessible lately and I feel like I need to be a bit rebellious. Maybe Adrianna, E and Laura are a bad influence but for what it’s worth, Amanda went to buy my bowl and was always the one suggesting smoking. I’m not blaming her for my inclination but at the same time I don’t feel guilty about seeing her as being involved. If Amanda gets to go out and get smashed and then drive home with me on the phone freaking out, I can certainly get high in the comfort of my own living room. I might have had to leave the windows open all night with the heat on extra high but I think it was well worth the sacrifice.

Amanda called on her way home from work and was upset with me for being high – although this afternoon in bed she decided it was more like residual upset-ness from Sunday. And she still might be upset, and I wouldn’t blame her if she was – it takes time. I just heal quickly I suppose.

But back to Shepard, I’m really excited. I’ve missed my people. I think we’re going out Friday on the town so that should prove to be interesting. Friendwise they’re the ones I want to hang with, much more than Jess who I had it out with last night (the night before?). She’s just getting on my last nerve these days and I don’t want to coddle anyone. Jen is here on the couch with me, it’s nice to have her hanging out, even if I’m supposed to be doing homework.

I didn’t go to work or my class today. This means I’ve missed my first class of the semester not even two weeks in and on top of that I got a strike at work. I mean I feel so guilty about it but I was just so tired and Amanda was supposed to come over and I wanted to spend the whole day with her. Not that those are very good excuses but at 9am under my blankets it’s exactly right. I also didn’t realize she had to work tonight, I seemed to have conjured that notion from somewhere. She had to head out around 5:30 and I’ve sort of been bumming around since. I’m such a slacker, this needs to stop being a habit.

I’ve decided that sex when you’re high is completely fantastic. Chalk it up to changes in perception if you like but I’m completely convinced. Amanda and I just haven’t clicked sexually in awhile: read – we’re back to the sex 2/3 times a month thing rather than 2/3 times a week. And I’ve been trying to keep a close eye on it, but its just more like lack of opportunity than desire I think. It blows that the times I see her tend to be limited amounts of time in which we eat and watch some TV before she goes to work and she can’t come see me after she gets out because her mom is waiting up for her.

Honestly if I was in her position I’d just come home late until she learned not to wait up – I mean come’on, she’s 19 for godsake! I could see if she was out on a date with some sketchy 16yr old who just learned to drive that mom would want her in by ten. Seniors in highschool have curfews of midnight. Being told that you have to be home by 11:30 is insulting in my opinion. It’s just so weird our situation. I have my own place and no one has rules over me but she’s still trying to live under the man and it’s fucked up.

Seeing as how I’m still partially stoned and have a shit ton to finish for tomorrow, I’m calling it a night.

EDIT

As a followup, the mysterious red towel that might have been used to dry E’s hair, wash a dog or actually serve as a bath towel was in fact not one in my collection. It appears Laura and I have the same red towel (although hers doesn’t have BRIE written across the bottom). You know, in case anyone was dying of suspense.