I really wish you weren’t at hookah and that we could talk. There are alot of things I want to run by you that I have to decide quickly about that are difficult for me. I wanted your help and I’m sad that you can’t be there.
I’m also a bit jealous you’re out and I’m at home. It’s St. Patrick’s Day — I want to be out with friends partying — and I don’t have any friends to be out with. It’s weighing heavy on me. All I do is work – schools not even a huge thing for me and it’s not like I have friends in my class.
Kay’s not talking to me, things with us just fell out after she screwed me over at the apartment. I’m not quite lost, perhaps just wayward or unsure. There’s lots for me to consider and sift through as far as thoughts and choices go.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged amanda, apartment, belonging, crash kings, dissapointment, friends, hookah, kay, lonely, relationships, unsure
Overslept, no class this morning for me. Hate myself. I worked and made $46 but made a large deposit at the bank because I hadn’t been in three weeks. I then went to Target and bought clothes (although I just went in there for an alarm clock – except I didn’t know it needed batteries so it’s not going to do me any good tomorrow either).
I conned Jess into coming out to hookah with me and then Johnny Rockets tonight. We just had some bonding time – it was nice. We talked about Alex, this kid in the lab she TAs for that she’s into who is 23 – which is huge for her since they are usually jailbait. I talked about Amanda. I talked about what’s been going on and how I’m feeling and shit. I talked about how, when at Target, I bought her a pair of Valentine’s Day boxers – I really do have a problem.
In so far as Valentine’s Day goes, everyone gets so bent out of shape about it, I don’t understand. The past three years I’ve had a Valentine (my girlfriend) except not once have we actually celebrated together because she’s been working or we’ve had school or whatever. Once again we won’t be celebrating – she’s working, I’m working and oh yeah right, we aren’t anything to each other to be celebrating. Other than that though, Jess has it marked as Single’s Awareness Day on her calendar and I think it’s a bit much. Being single isn’t anything to be ashamed of and frankly the fact that the media and commercialized society make it out to be a negative thing and rub it in the faces of everyone without a Valentine that they ought to be lonely and unhappy just suck hairy monkey balls. So there.
Posted in Uncategorized
Tagged 38 special, amanda, CALC, college, cranky, eating, hookah, jess, oversleeping, shopping, singles awareness day, target, valentines day
Charlotte had her surgury so she’s unhappily crying in the adjacent room, locked in her cage with a cone around her neck. I feel so bad 😦
However, dealing with my own shit right now is a bit more important. I’m going to strangle Kay and Alyssa for just not having and common sense. They moved out of the apartment (which fine, I can understand that I guess), have me move the rest of my shit that’s being stored there, and then never bother talking to Peter about their plans. Kay blew me off Thursday night when we were supposed to sit down and talk about everything so I spent an hour just crying in the empty apartment not knowing what the hell I’m going to do. Peter was going to meet me (essientally I was tricking her into talking to him by just having him show up unannounced) and then he didn’t show.
So now I’m financially responsible (at least for half) the rent of an apartment that I no longer live in and that apparently now no one lives in. So I’m just fucking pissed as all hell. I was going to meet Kay this morning to talk and I honestly didn’t want to and really I sort of forgot about it last night. Well anyway, I get a text from Alyssa this morning at 10 to see if I’m close. I respond that my work schedule changed and I thought I textd Kay. Her response was thanks so much for the inconvenience.
FOR THE FUCKING INCONVENIENCE ALYSSA?? wtf seriously? I didn’t even grace it with a response because I was afraid I was going to be fresh. Like – well just think, now you have time to clean the place up – or – i guess now you understand how I feel most of the time. I just can’t even fathom the way their minds work. It fucking blows my mind.
So my plan is to clean the place up so that it can be subletted until the end of our lease. I guess for now my plan of action is to pay Peter the portion of the rent that I’d owe him until the end of the lease (which is like $1200 and makes me want to vomit) and try to find a subletter who will either pay the rest of hopefully will be able to pay all the rent so I can get my money back. The chances of this occuring are rather slim, let’s be honest. I just don’t want to be dragged into court when he takes them in for abandonment and breaking the lease.
All this stress about the apartment and money (which is why I moved in here, so that money was no longer an issue) is coupled with the Amanda stuff as well as transfering to a new school. Hopefully Monday my financial aid stuff will be settled (I already owe $75,000 in loans and I’m just digging deeper without a degree) and in July I’ll start for my Occupational Therapy certification. This only puts me 6 months behind my original graduation date so the fact that I pissed around for a year is played down, which is nice.
The only downer on all of this is that I won’t be in school now until July, which leaves me 6 months of wanting to die couped up in this house. I’ll be working full time which is a plus (I made great money last night but I worked a double but it was worth it *crazed) and I’m joining a gym this week, but I wanted to be in class. Amanda doesn’t think it’s a great idea to be honest which hurt my feelings but I wanted her honest opinion. I’m planning on going through with it though because at least it’s some kind of future.
Unrelated but also occuring on Thursday, Harry texted me he was in the city and we went out for Hookah, which was a lot of fun especially after the stressful day. Amanda called me while we were out (she got out at like 930 instead of 11 so I wasn’t expecting a call and didn’t answer) to see if I wanted to hang up and I missed her call. I was really upset about it because I wanted to see her (maybe to talk about wednesday?) and I was mad at myself for missing her call.
Posted in Journal
Tagged amanda, apartment, being blown off, carly simon, cleaning, college, conflict, financial aid, future, harry, hookah, life, missing phone calls, money, student loans, subletting