I’m not even going to preface this with a statement about morality. Just read it. Continue reading
I’ve been pondering. I think what I’m trying to do right now is steer Amanda and me clear of the ‘cutsie stage’ – the part where people fawn over each other (honeymoon phase? but it’s a little different). We used to make mixCDs and exchange them, more than twenty in all if you count both those I gave her and those she gave me.
I used to write her poetry, but stopped about a year after we started dating. The last poem I wrote her this summer I gave her the only copy of it I had and so I don’t have it anymore, which is very disappointing. These days I’ve only written hate/angsty poetry for her. I even used to write her love letters – I was very romantic. I guess the romance is what I’m trying to keep out – which would make sense because technically there isn’t anything going on between us.
We’ve talked on the phone or at least texted everyday so far this year, which I’m pleased with. We did talk about some important things, like if this whatever we have has a name, which it doesn’t we decided because even labeling it puts pressure that doesn’t need to be there. We talked about how ‘exclusive’ whatever this is, is, and our views on seeing other people and sleeping with them. There are things we’ve always disagreed about and yes, of course it would upset me if she went and dated Lelia and fucked around with her, yes this bothers me. We’re trying a complete honesty things with each other, I’m curious to see how that pans out because while I might not offer certain information up, if pressed directly I’d tell her what I really think.
Not related in any way, I’ve been listening to the Adam Lambert album and I think it’s fantastic. He’s got a great combination of pop-up-tempo and ballads, fuck you songs, and I want to fuck you songs. It’s very much how I’m feeling right now, in so many places at once that a single genre of music just doesn’t suit me. I’m crazy about Music Again which is probably one of my top three favorite tracks. In fact, I get this ABBA feeling and maybe some Beatles or something else, but it’s enjoyable so I’d recommend at least listening to it.
That’s all for now, we’re on our way to go shopping in a half hour or so. Perhaps I’ll have an entry later about us in another parking lot. Hey, it could happen – although the fact that I’ve been fixating on kissing her for the past few days is probably not a good thing, or at least not very healthy on my part.