I don’t want to know what they’re talking about, I haven’t looked. We spoke Saturday night when I asked how she was feeling but that was the last time. I’m not going to be the one – she has got to make an effort. She said she wanted to get together this week. If she can make the time for me, I’ll do it. If she can’t even be bothered to text me to ask how my day was or a simple email, I don’t know where this leaves us. In two weeks, when her rehearsals are over and she’s suddenly got time for me, does it change things? Continue reading
Posted in Conversations, Journal
Tagged apologies, being ignored, beyonce, black out drunk, college, conflict, convo, drinking, friends, getting shitfaced, jen, life, love, parties, reality, relationships, screwed up relationships, sick, stalking, throwing up, WMST, work
So Jen did invite me to her party tomorrow night. And I’m seriously considering going. The following things play into this (in no particular order):
– Amanda is going.
– Amanda was going to take Nicole and/or Lelia but neither are going now it seems
– Amanda told me she was planning on getting shit drunk but just told Lelia she wasn’t going to drink too much.
– Amanda plans to watch the sunset on the beach.
– Weez and Laura are going and might drive her. They have plans supposedly for her.
– I candidly asked Weez to make sure Amanda was ok and safe and didn’t do anything stupid. She said she would — and I’m like 90% sure I believe her.
– Amanda blocked me on FB chat and hasn’t spoken to me since a txt this morning saying she fell asleep last night. I did cave around 2:30 and ask how her day was going – no response.
– Jen said she doesn’t care if Amanda doesn’t want me there, it’s not her party.
– I work till 10:30ish so I’d be going from there and be fashionably late. Amanda might well be drunk by then.
– Not sure if I wanna stay over, I might not drink at all.
– What the hell would I wear? I don’t have a toga. Continue reading
Posted in Conversations, Journal
Tagged amanda, black out drunk, choices, drinking, duffy, jen, lelia, parties, toga party, weez
This is a past midnight rant so please, take care.
The fact that Amanda feels guilty that she hung out tonight with her friends instead of me makes me feel good to be honest. I mean I can recognize that’s not exactly healthy but I can’t help it. I’m interested in why she feels guilty — because she’d rather be with me? Because I want her to be with me? Because she knows she should be hanging out with me?
And that’s the other thing. We still haven’t talked about what happened, so there’s no ‘should’s or ‘ought to’s because there isn’t — us.
And then I text her when I get out of work like I always do, and I get no response for two hours. I just assumed she was still playing or had fallen asleep. Then she texts me around 12:30 and says she’s drunk at her house — and that’s all I get. I text her goodnight an hour or so later when I get home from hanging out with Jess and her response is that she’s still playing Wii with Tracey and Lelia.
And it fucking pisses me off. Am I wrong? Like, I guess I do hold her to a sort of double standard, I just wanted her to tell me about her day and what they played and stuff. Okay, that and fuck, I’ve never been allowed at her house past midnight, and it’s WAY PAST MIDNIGHT. And they’re smashed on top of all of it.
Did I fucking miss something? Perhaps I’m overtired from a stressful night at work. I just wanted to say goodnight to her.
Okay that, and Tracey is a fucking fat cow. And I hate that Amanda write that she loves Lelia all over her twitter and spends so much time with her. I’m just a green monster. Fuck.
Posted in Journal
Tagged amanda, annoyed, cranky, drinking, friends, jealousy, lelia, parties i'm not invited to, relationships, screwed up relationships, taylor swift, thinking outloud, trust