i didn’t know it at 15…

This is a past midnight rant so please, take care.

The fact that Amanda feels guilty that she hung out tonight with her friends instead of me makes me feel good to be honest. I mean I can recognize that’s not exactly healthy but I can’t help it. I’m interested in why she feels guilty — because she’d rather be with me? Because I want her to be with me? Because she knows she should be hanging out with me?

And that’s the other thing. We still haven’t talked about what happened, so there’s no ‘should’s or ‘ought to’s because there isn’t — us.

And then I text her when I get out of work like I always do, and I get no response for two hours. I just assumed she was still playing or had fallen asleep. Then she texts me around 12:30 and says she’s drunk at her house — and that’s all I get. I text her goodnight an hour or so later when I get home from hanging out with Jess and her response is that she’s still playing Wii with Tracey and Lelia.

And it fucking pisses me off. Am I wrong? Like, I guess I do hold her to a sort of double standard, I just wanted her to tell me about her day and what they played and stuff. Okay, that and fuck, I’ve never been allowed at her house past midnight, and it’s WAY PAST MIDNIGHT. And they’re smashed on top of all of it.

Did I fucking miss something? Perhaps I’m overtired from a stressful night at work. I just wanted to say goodnight to her.

Okay that, and Tracey is a fucking fat cow. And I hate that Amanda write that she loves Lelia all over her twitter and spends so much time with her. I’m just a green monster. Fuck.

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