if you’re wondering if i want you to

I’m sick. Sore throat, runny nose, sorta miserable. I’m not going to Jen’s tonight on account of this (which means Kay isn’t going and also that I shall not have even a remote possible chance of seeing Harry – or Amanda) and it makes me sad. I could still go, I just think I’d feel especially like crap if I drank or smoked, which would only serve to make me extra cranky.

I helped Mom with Miriam today when they went on a field trip to get presents for their families. I’ve never noticed before how crowds of people shy away from or can’t make eye contact with those accompanying someone who is visibly disabled. She’s on a vent in a wheelchair – she’s not a green alien or something. The way people tripped over themselves to get out of our way was embarrassing for them. Then Miriam pulled the arm off a manikin in Old Navy, sort of making my morning.

I got home and though I still felt lousy, I wrapped all my presents, so I’m officially done with all but the gift giving/opening aspects of the holiday. The other house cleaning aspects are causing Nana to go crazy and me to want to strangle her. The washing machine is broken now (only hot water will work) so if I want to clean anything sometime soon, I’ve got to go to the laundromat. I swear that laundry problems plague me wherever I go.

I’m missing her again, making myself depressed and only causing me to feel worse. I was looking through old pictures. Hence the attachments. They are both from last year, the first around October after I’d moved into Pinehurst, the second in June at Pride downtown.

Fucking hate myself sometimes. UGH.


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