if i let myself go…

Talking to her is like slowly drinking posion. She just gets into my system and suddenly makes me so upset and I wish I knew how to make it stop. I hadn’t even thought about her truth be told till I got that text message last week – why did she have to ruin it? Maybe I wasn’t happy but I was dealing. She’s acidic and eats away at my walls and I can see her just standing in the rubble. Does she know how much she can upset me, even without trying? I start reminiscing and thinking about how things were, but we weren’t good, we weren’t happy, we weren’t okay and as far as I can tell we don’t belong together. Which hurts, perhaps more than not being with her – knowing that it doesn’t work.

She’s high and drinking with Lelia and throwing up and napping and shit. I don’t think she should be driving home at this time of night after that sort of night but it’s not really my place to say, is it? I just asked that she be safe – she can’t even have a coherent conversation, she shouldn’t be driving.

Alright that, and let me just put it out there, that it’s passed midnight and if she was out with me she would have had to be home probably an hour ago. WHAT THE FUCK MAN SERIOUSLY?


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