never to come back again…

So today is Day of Silence and it's going well so far. I'm at work which does require me to speak somewhat but I feel like I've done not a whole lot of superfluous speaking today (except when I dropped Amanda's shirt off to her at work, when I went to get coffee and when I explained to Laura Saur what I was doing). Right 😀

Anyways, things have been alright for me. The Tempest presentation went really well on Wednesday and I submitted my paper on graffiti for APG. I was really nervous about presenting since I’d only finished the PowerPoint Tuesday night around 11 but I think that by the end I was answering questions very well. I have an 8 page paper to write on The Tempest now, and then one on James K. Polk, both due next Wednesday. Then I also have to read Love And Garbage for my politics and the novel class but I think it’ll go well. I’m trying to get as much done tonight at work and miss the Break the Silence Blockparty that we arranged but hopefully I’m still going to go to Ryan’s house tonight. He’s having a Gaypril party and I’m sort of excited about it.

I was talking to Andrena and I invited her to come along if she wants. I’m sort of being selfish in going since essentially I want to get soused out of my mind and potentially get myself into a position to get some action with Alyssa. I know that makes me completely awful but I can’t help but feel attracted to her even though I shouldn’t, for my own sake and for hers. She’s got a lot of lesbian drama already going on in her life with Jamie, Jess and Chloe so the absolute last thing she needs is me making a drunk pass at her. Which I will not do, even though I would like to.

I went to see Cabaret (my highschool's annual production that is like 10 times bigger than any school musical) yesterday with Amanda and we had a really good time. Apparently Luci and Emily are now dating. Luci dumped poor Diana (who is the world’s biggest sweetheart and I feel so bad for) and Emily dumped Dave (who she’s been practically married to for 8 years). I guess I don’t really understand the whole situation and I’m happy for them that they’re happy and together and shit, but I can’t help but feel that they are only together for all the attention it’s bringing the two of them. Once the show is over (they sing two duets together and I feel 10 times more awful for Diana who is sitting in the mike pit below them listening to Luci belt it out about true love and finding your soul mate) I’m not sure if their relationship can last. I’m not honestly all that optimistic but it’ll be nice to have another couple to go out with Amanda and me.

We’re going to the gala for the show tomorrow night after Amanda gets out of work. She got promoted to stage manager which means loads more responsibility for her and she feel off a ladder a few days ago so she’s just falling apart. The show opens tonight and I’m bummed that I don’t have tickets but I’m going to go on my birthday next week and then we’re going out afterwards which should be a blast. From what she tells me, the show really reminds her of me (it’s about a woman whose husband has died of cancer so I can’t imagine how but I’m going with it for the time being at least till I’ve seen it) and every time they run it she says she’s thinking about me. I do appreciate being thought about, I won’t lie.

That’s essentially what my weekend has in store. I’m here till 8 tonight and if I go to the party, Bucci is picking me and TJ up at 9.30. We’ve all hung out in the Shepard office for the past few days and I feel closer to all of them than ever before. I’m really upset that Alyssa and Ryan have only a few weeks before they graduate because I want to spend more time getting to know them. I don’t know what would be getting me through this semester if I didn’t have them around to just chill with. They’ve really been there for me and I can’t begin to think about next semester without them.

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