you cut me open and i…..

I don't know what was was wrong with me last night. I blame the fact that Harry was sitting reading over my shoulder. Rereading that entry makes me cringe. Anyways I'm uploading prints to Walmart to get them printed for my APG assignment that was due today. And I'm also adding in some great ones from the past few months in there as well, since I need more pictures for my walls. I also claimed some superlatives in the community, we'll see how that goes. I'm not sure how that's going to go but I'm optimistic? Eh.

Amanda and I had quite the long conversation on the phone tonight. Very intense. Essentially we've been drifting lately because of work and things and she's been feeling left out of my life. I feel like she's being silly because this weekend I went out of my way to be with her. I had dinner with her at work Saturday and Sunday and I went to get her coffee three times as well. I wasn't expecting her to sing my praises, but I have been trying my hardest to see her since she's started working theater again.

She was upset because Saturday night when I was out with the girls, I talked to Eloise, this girl we knew in high school who I used to have a crush on but who I find extremely threatening and makes me quite nervous. I just had briefly texted her Saturday night to make sure she wasn't at the same club as we were, which Amanda had said she was going to be at. I know she was extremely jealous but there was no reason to be. I'd invited Amanda to come out with us and she couldn't because she was too tired from work and had to be home but I also didn't want her feeling left out.

I guess she knows how I feel now about all the girls who look at her. We had this big in depth discussion about how she doesn't like Harry or Tom and doesn't trust them. She's like “I see the way they look at you. You're gorgeous and they want some.” I essentially laughed my ass off because she would think that and it's not that I'm not flattered she thinks so, but I'm a bit more realistic than she is I suppose. I don't really believe either of them is into me, and I certainly trust both of them or we wouldn't be friends. I feel like she's just got to get to that point where even if she doesn't trust my friends, she's got to trust that I'm a good enough judge of character to only hang out with the right sorts of people. I had to do the same thing when we started hanging out with different circles of people once college started. I was really afraid she would leave me for someone new, someone I didn't know or that someone might hurt her or something.

Incidentally, it was Maura who we went to highschool with (who I've known for at least 5 years) that she cheated on me with the last time she worked for this company and our relationship was stressed. I just don't want that to happen again, I don't want to force her away from me. So I'm trying not to be clingy and be proactive in our relationship. Honestly though, this weekend I just felt us as platonic friends and it killed me. It's been so long since we've had alone time to even just cuddle and I'm sick to death of sharing her company with everyone else. Tomorrow she's supposed to come see me for a bit after class. We'll see if that actually happens and I'm trying not to get my hopes up because it probably won't but there is nothing I wouldn't give right now to just hold her for a little while.

More on the home front, registration for fall classes tomorrow at 7am. Then meeting with Jen in which I shall discuss all of this weekend's events. YPI today was good, we have started working on our personal stories. I'll probably post mine here once I have a rough draft of it to get some feedback. Is there a poetry/literature community on scribbld? I'd love to join if anyone knows of one.

Tempest project is no more done than it was last night. APG paper is being finished by Amanda tomorrow morning so she's going to email the final version of it to me. I have to do her paper on James K. Polk for next week as well as an 8 page paper on the Tempest after my presentation Wednesday. Then there's a 20 page paper for my politics class due sometime the second week of May. Lab practical next Monday covering 6 dissections and stream ecology. Then 3 exams in Anthropology, Western Civ & Biology. My birthday is in 9 days.

Oh I honestly can't wait for this semester to be over. May 9th can't come quick enough.


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