I hate that I miss you so…

Talking to Jen today was really a help for me. Essentially yesterday my idiotic boss at Starbucks in my hometown told me that even though I've bent over backwards for them this semester (working the opening shift at 5am on Easter, which I offered to do because I knew she needed people) I won't have my job in the summer. I'm working on transferring to another one in the city so it's not that big of a deal but I'm just really hurt that there is no loyalty to her hard-working employees. I'm insulted that she doesn't respect me.

Amanda and I went to a presentation/event on drunk driving tonight held by her friend Sarah who is an RA at her college. Essentially it was a real downer and I practically bawled the entire time, but Sarah's friend Heather was recently (?) killed by a drunk driver so the event was really important to her. Amanda works with Sarah and so I tagged along to help. The speaker was really powerful and it just left me with all this perspective on life and shit. Amanda took me back to my dorm and basically cried in my arms for a half hour until she had to go home. I really hope she stops to think the next time she doesn't wear her seatbelt or whether or not to have that drink when she has to drive home afterwards.

This whole Harry situation is getting a little sketchy in my book. We hung out with Bucci Monday before she drove me to YPI and it was just so awkward. I feel like he's got a lot of close girlfriends but apparently his gf is ridiculiously jealous of anything with a vagina (according to Bucci who knew Harry last year and there was an incident involving hugs and 'the hairy eyeball'). Alright that and he sort of smells funny. Not bad, just funny although that might well be because when I'm getting hugs I'm used to them being from Tom or Amanda (who both smell pretty similar of Axe). He has this distinctive musty smell and I think it might be Old Spice.

I just keep getting this reoccuring feeling that he's flirting with me. Perhaps I'm just unconsciously wanting him to be (?) but I feel like he knows better than to do that. He knows about Amanda (although I can't remember if I mentioned that I'm bisexual or not to him) so he knows I'm not available, and neither is he so why am I getting this weird vibe? I'm sorry, when you say things along the lines of you seem to have a lot of interesting talents, i'd like to see some of your stuff sometime one can't help but take it other ways, even if it wasn't meant like that. Because I had been rambling on for a good five minutes about art and how I sometimes feel uninspired. But not ten minutes before it was about biting. I feel like our conversations have those sexual undertones and I'm just trying to decide if they're intentional or not.

And I was right. It was Old Spice.


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