Let’s get loud…

I’m in a deep depression right now. I don’t even want to get out of bed. I’m writing this from under my blankets. I’m feeling useless and needy and lonely in here. And sort of chilly but that’s because my windows are open. I’m feeling empty and lost. I have no purpose, no existence. Feeling like this is scary and I hate it.

I have my car. I could go somewhere. I really want to drive somewhere and do something crazy. I want to be spontaneous. I want to be warm. I want to smile and be carefree and happy. I should deposit my check. Maybe I’ll go Christmas shopping. I need to focus on something. I also should study for my calculus final tomorrow.

Chem this morning went very well. I’ve laid around done nothing since then. I can’t stand being like this. I want to get dressed up and go get ice cream at the mall maybe. I don’t think I want to drive. But I should deposit my check. So maybe I’ll get coffee too. I need to do something, anything but lie here in bed for another four hours watching music videos, Jerry Springer, refreshing Facebook and playing solitaire. I have all day to study. I need to get out of here.


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