I can’t exactly decide what’s wrong with me these days. More like Saturday night till now. However, I will start this entry by recapping the events of my week/weekend.

Thursday Amanda came to visit for an hour before her 2 o’clock class. I had last seen her Tuesday when she’d taken me out to lunch at Reflections, which was so sweet. So she brought me Subway and finished her painting in my room while I got ready for my Chem lab. It was just a sweet little moment for us, sort of like she’d stopped home before going back to work. It sounds corny but I loved seeing her.

So Friday I woke up like 15 minutes before my class was supposed to start. To make a long story that day was crazy. I worked from 1-4.15 at Starbucks then I had to come back to campus and worked until 8 at the helpdesk. I was so tired but it ended up being a really awesome day!

Friday night Jess and I went to Remi’s. It’s this club/bar in Providence that’s near the bus station and 18+ so it was perfect. Josh came with us and the three of us ended up having a really great night. I had about half a Corona so I wasn’t gone or anything and I got to dance and shit. It was fantastic, even though it rained and completely killed the fact that I had straightened my hair all nice nice. Psh, fuck rain man sometimes.

Saturday I had been planning to spend the day doing my homework since nothing had been accomplished on Friday. Unfortunately, Kayla’s boy Matt ditched her at her sister’s wedding. She was left without a date and she was miserable. Knowing how much the wedding meant to her and how excited she’d been, Brie the best friend stepped in and offered to go with her.

We ended up having an awesome time but I got nothing done all day. I was gone for almost 12 hours with the ceremony and the reception. However, we got a little trashy and got to dance and oggle boys and it was so good to see her. I really miss hanging out with her. I need a little Kayla in my life. We were going to go to the Gallery and meet up with people from work afterwards but the two of us were too tired to continue the night after midnight so she took me home.

Sunday I had to work 6 hours at Starbucks. Not exactly fun and I really wanted to call out but I did go in. It wasn’t a bad day all in all and I did get homework done last night when I got back here before I worked at the helpdesk 10-12a. We streamed the sox game from China and got to see them win. WORLD SERIES BABY!!! Oh I’m so obviously excited.

Today is a completely gorgeous day. Tom and I are actually going to go on a walk in about half an hour but I told him I had to finish writing my journal entry. He took it well. 😀

So yeah, the day is beautiful, but I got my Calc exam back and I got a 36. Out of 100. I want to sort of laugh actually, because it’s almost funny. No, actually it is funny, hysterical even. I’ve never done that awfully before. I’m obviously failing the class but I feel like I have the opportunities to do better which I didn’t have in my other class. Anyways, not mentioning that one to my mom.

So now to the weird feeling. I just feel like Amanda and I are drifting apart. I partially resent her for being at work all the time, I’ll admit it, but I do understand that she has to work. I work all the time so I completely get that whole prior commitment thing. Not that I like it, but I do get it. I just hate not seeing her.

I feel like we missed out on doing the high school dating scene and now we’re slowly wasting away our college dating scene too. I’m going out and doing college-ish things I guess, but I want to do some of them with her too. This show and the fact that she lives at home are completely cramping my style.

At the same time, I feel like such a bitch. This is the way we were last fall a bit. It used to be it was me who could never get out of the house, get around my parents. It was always her who would ask me to come over and I never could. Now it’s the other way around – I’m here in my dorm with basically no rules and just personal responsibilities (along with work) and she’s still answering to mom and dad. Her 18th is Sunday and I just wish that we were together without the rest of the world for once. She has to work her show that night so I invited her to sleep over that night but now that her parents are going to the performance, I doubt she’s going to be able to.

All in all, I just wish I didn’t get the feeling that she’s ‘growing up’ without me, and leaving me behind to try and be a kid. I like doing adult things like working, but when I goof and tell her not to work too hard, I feel like she doesn’t get the joke. I’m not saying don’t work, but her back is really bothering her and she is always so tired. I just don’t want to see her wear herself out, burn out.

She’s got a midterm tomorrow and she’s at work right now and hasn’t started studying. She told me last night she was going to call in today – which she obviously didn’t do. When we talk on the phone, I feel like she’s upset with me. I’m not even sure why. Does she resent that I want her life to be a little bit more about me? Is that a wrong thing to ask for? I’m not so sure. I just miss her so much and its been 5 days since I’ve gotten to see her. I feel like I’m still being oppressed but instead of it being my parents, its something we can almost control. Wasn’t college supposed to solve all our problems?


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