In a nutshell —
I'm in a good mood, but I'm feeling restless and I think it has something to do with being hung up on Eloise. The problem how I see it is that right now because I'm so happy with Amanda, because everything is going right for us again, why am I still hung up on that chick?
She drives me crazy. I can't stand even being in the same room as she is. She looks at me and I get all weird and I stand there awkwardly whenever I encounter her. And yet I still make it a point to know where she is always and to walk by her classes and shit.
Yesterday Amanda and I were looking for someplace to hang out and we stopped by peer ministry which is basically a room with couches. Eloise was in there with Frankie and they were on the couch looking at old yearbooks. So Amanda and I left, again, really awkwardly and I'd hardly said two words. Actually I think I did say two words, hey and bye. Then afterwards, Amanda and I went back in there when they were gone and we were sitting with the lights off when the Dean of Students comes bursting through the door like the gestapo, flips on the lights and gives us the once over as we're sitting on the couch (entirely innocently at that moment actually thank god). Then like she's just raided a drug cash, she gets all testy and bitchy with us, why are we there and why don't we go home? God she's such a bitch, I hate that woman. Well the kicker to the story is that while she's in there, Eloise walks by and does this sort of wave thing and she's like see you kids tomorrow. And I fucking swear, if she told that woman that we were having sex in PMR I'm going to kill her.
As far as wanting her, I have no reason to want something else because I'm happy with what I have. I'm being greedy.
I am also thinking about telling my parents or at least my mother about my sexuality this weekend. Although that might be attributed to the fact that endorphins make it very hard to be angry with people. Well everyone except Eloise. God she fucking drives me insane, I swear. Tonight she wanted me to go with her to a hookah bar, and stupid me was almost going to go. Seriously, I can't let myself be happy is what I think it all boils down to. I must like the drama, the oh I wonder what's happening in my relationships today, because apparently normality sucks.