But I've got perfect timing with you…

Interview with Brown today. Chabot told me the meeting was at 9:45 so I went to bed early last night so I'd be well rested and all that jazz. I had AP Stats at the ass crack of dawn this morning but coffee and cool people get me through that.

So after that, and before school started, Erin and I hung out in the old caf and I highlighted for the paper I needed to right for pysch on whether human beings are rational or emotional in nature. Then once the bell rang we were planning to hunker down in guidance until I had my interview. I figured I'd have enough time to just write it all up.

We get there and since the two computers are taken in the outside part, we decide to chill in the confrence room where I'd have my interview and use the single computer in there. I get all my stuff out, ready for action, iced coffee perched on the desk in it's nice styrofoam cup to keep it cold, pumpkin bread fresh from the caf toaster – basically ready to bit the bullet and write the damn essay.

Wouldn't you know, not five minutes into it, Mrs Paris comes in and basically kicks us out for a meeting that starts at 9? And so we grumble and stalk up three floors to Sousa's lab where I comiserate for a bit and highlight some more, fulling intending to finish the essay in my free so it will be done by third period.

Wait it gets better. At around 9:15, my phone starts to ring. My dad is calling from my house to tell me that they're looking for me downstairs because I'm late for my interview. I was fucking kicked out of my own interview by that moronic woman! I was so pissed I was ready to pop.

It all went well and everything so I'm basically over it at this point, but she just plain irks me. Like what the hell is her problem that I'm in there? And way to let me know the right time, Mrs Chabot! That I appreciate loads more, although I suppose to her credit Mrs. Paris made the appointment for me — not that she even knows who I am apparently. I really hate people sometimes.

In other news, I think I'm really starting to have an El issue. To the point where I'm beginning to wonder if other people have noticed. I can't explain it. I caught her eye as I passed her in a classroom on my way down the hall. And she either was looking in that direction or looked at me or something but she looked surprised to see me walk by. I dunno about this whole thing. It's sitting unevenly in my stomach. I feel like the unfaithful girlfriend — all I did was feel attracted to this girl, who, conincidetally, apparently has a thing for Amanda. A big thing. Ain't the world a small, quaint little place.

Since the sisters had choral today after school, Amanda and I got to legit hang out in her car for awhile. In the back seat. The windows got steamy and really we weren't even like making out or anything. Actually, I don't really understand what happened. We were sitting there and I was jokingly trying to unclip her bra since it does so in the front. And eventually I got it with my hand up the hem of her skirt.

Then I was just stroking up and down her stomach and she was, for lack of a better term, panting into the seat. And I can't explain it, I suddenly just was so detatched, like looking out the window and completly forgetting that she was even there, even though I was touching her. And not a nice detatched either. It was a disturbing detatched and I don't like how I felt. And she didn't really say anything afterwards and I just sat there looking out the window. I had to go a few mintues later and I didn't say anything about it.

I wrote her an apology email actually.

i was sort of out of line earlier
in the car
im sorry
i dont know what came over me
it wasnt really fair
the time or the place
i just couldn't help myself
it was forwad enough of me to the point of being inappropriate
and im sorry if i upset you
bc really i only started out playing
and then it just got out of hand
no pun intended
so i guess im just feeling empty inside

I wish I understood what all this means. So I dunno what to do. And she's off babysitting Gracie and Tess because her aunt had to take Jack to the hospital which isn't good. God I wish this weren't so complicated.

I used to have a saying actually. Life is only complicated because people make it that way.

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