Everyone knows I'm in over my head, over my head…

How do I help her?

[19:54] Me: whats the deal/plan/idea?
[19:54] Amanda: i dont know
[19:54] Amanda: period 1
[19:54] Me: well its 'group work' time
[19:54] Amanda: do it
[19:54] Me: and period 1 i have gymmmmm
[19:54] Amanda: i know
[19:54] Amanda: guidance
[19:54] Me: if i miss i have to make it up
[19:54] Amanda: dooo itttt
[19:54] Amanda: no you dont
[19:54] Amanda: its mel
[19:55] Me: ill make u a deal if u really want me to
[19:55] Amanda: tell you you have to go for the last 45 minutes
[19:55] Amanda: what
[19:55] Amanda: deal or no deal
[19:55] Amanda: do it
[19:55] Me: ho i have to get the numer
[19:55] Amanda: what?
[19:56] Me: *number
[19:56] Amanda: i figured that
[19:56] Amanda: the num for what?
[19:56] Amanda: no apparetments please
[19:56] Amanda: 😀
[19:57] Me: its not
[19:57] Amanda: ok then what
[19:57] Amanda: lay it on me babes
[19:57] Me: 401-421-4100 ex 230
[19:57] Amanda: for what
[19:58] Amanda: i need to know what im calling for
[19:58] Me: i think you should call and talk to someone
[19:58] Amanda: dont
[19:58] Amanda: comeon
[19:58] Me: comeon what?
[19:59] Me: amanda u promised. im only trying to help you
[19:59] Me: maybe you can find what ur looking for
[19:59] Amanda: please dont do this to me right now
[19:59] Amanda: please
[19:59] Amanda: please
[19:59] Amanda: please
[19:59] Me: fine
[20:00] Me: but i just want to go on the record saying that ur only hurting urself more the longer u wait
[20:00] Me: but i cant make that decision for you
[20:00] Amanda: i have all the time in the world
[20:01] Me: for what?
[20:03] Amanda: to come to terms with my life
[20:03] Me: thats a load of crap and you know it
[20:03] Amanda: what happened to taking time?
[20:04] Me: it takes time. but you have to want to help yourself first. youve got to get started so you can take the time
[20:06] Me: jesus christ if u dont want to do it for yourself then ill be selfish and pull the do it for me card. bc i cant stand to see you unhappy one minute elated the next and then unhappy again. it kills me amanda and ive at least accepted that i cant do anything to really help you but god im trying to do as much as i can. but i feel like ur fighting me. like u want to be unhappy
[20:07] Amanda: why are you starting a fight?
[20:07] Me: if i was starting a fight id be yelling at you. im sitting here in tears
[20:07] Amanda: well dont be
[20:08] Me: no kidding. i cant decide if im angry to the point of crying at you or defeated to the point of crying
[20:08] Amanda: why be either
[20:08] Amanda: please please dont be either
[20:09] Me: im upset amanda. i cant handle this. i mean i can handle alot but i hate not understandinga dn this is eating me away inside. i broke down today in chabots office. how the hell do i explain that to her? and she just sort of sat there and let me cry
[20:10] Me: im not good at not having the answers. i cant live that way. i hate being utterly powerless and feeling like nothing i do can make this better
[20:10] Amanda: im not asking you to have all the answers
[20:11] Me: i kno you arent chica. but im trying to find them. i always do. i want to help you and its killing me that i cant and that i feel liek when i try to you dont want to hear what i have to say
[20:13] Me: i just want the best for you
[20:13] Me: and thats what i thought was best
[20:13] Amanda: i do listen to what you say but i need to deal with this on my own. im not trying to push you away. this is why i didnt want to tell you becuase i had a feeling that youd feel like this. there are no answers to the game in life. there are no rules. i cant follow guide lines anyway. i know you want the best for me.
[20:14] Me: if u want me to leave it alone just ask and i will
[20:14] Amanda: what was the best?
[20:15] Me: i couldnt figure it out. but if u called that number they can put u in touch with people to talk to. like the right kinds of people who might be able to help you so you can have someone to talk to if u want, when u want. i thought it was a good idea
[20:16] Me: i kno my problem is that i always get invovled. and tahts why im saying if u dont want me to stick my nose wehere it doesnt belong u have to flat out tell me that. and i wont mention it again
[20:19] Me: we're where we were the last time we fought. i pushed in too far, i overstepped too many lines and i dont wan tto do that this time. i dont want u to feel like im trying to get under ur skin. uve got to tell me to lay off if u dont want my help. bc if not im afraid im just going to make u curl up tighter and move away from me
[20:20] Amanda: this is in response to the first one. you type to fast. i cant reply in the time that you get anohter one out there. …it just seems like it bothers you more than it bothers me lately. i appreciate the phone number and hell maybe ill call but its a trust thing with me. i have issues trusting people. i cant stand just to put everything out there and just let it go and be like ok they wont hurt me. it sucks. and it takes me a very long time to open up. forever actually. i just need time.
[20:23] Amanda: im not moving away from you. i want your help. i just dont know which outlet i need to take to get outside hepl if that makes sense. where do i begin? i dont have an answer to that. and youre not getting under my skin. if you were id tell you. and line over stepping is highly overrated. ill also let you know when that happens. little yellow lights go off and a siren that is too loud starts talking. dont worry about it
[20:24] Amanda: i look at wrye and i say yeah i like life simplistically too
[20:24] Amanda: there is too much drama inthe world lets not make more of our own
[20:24] Amanda: so like
[20:25] Amanda: i just need to figure stuff out and i want you if you wanna be there but i need to take time

How do I tell her I can't wait forever?


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