So I sent Amanda part of what I wrote. And god she made me cry.
i dont know, dont even know how to express how much i am in love with you. how much i love you. i can't put it into words or expressions i just know that you are the first person that i have ever truly given myself completly up to. you are the first person i have ever trusted. i trusted you before i began to trust myself. its you that i want for all times. forever and always. and then some after that.
do not blame yourself for anything. ever. it is absolutly no one's fault for anything that has happened to me. do not feel reserved. i will never push you away and the last thing i want to do is push you away. i never want to hurt you. i never want to leave you. i never want to scare you and trust me the last thing you do is scare me or hurt me or anything. you love me and i love you and dont worry about hurting me ever. ever ever. you never left me. ever. you are my constant. the only constant i have ever known. the one person who has stood by me well lets see, for all times.
im just saying that i love you and we need to talk face to face and itd be easier and youd feel better and id feel better and we'd eat cookies and drink coffee (well youd drink coffee and id respectfully drink tea) and then we snuggle up and just lay for a while and we'd be good forever. god, you dont give yourself enough credit. because you deserve so much more than you give yourself.