and I said what about, breakfast at Tiffany's?

So I swear to god, if she says that I wear the pants in this relationship one more time…

I mean honestly, what does wearing the pants really mean anyway? That I'm the one who is experienced and knows what she's doing? NO. That I ought to be in charge and it's always about what I want? NO. That I don't need to be held and told that I'm loved. NO. That I'm the stronger one here? NO. Because I'm totally not.

Granted yes I'm possessive. And needy — hella needy but in my own defense I was jones-ing because of PMS and since I've gotten my period I'm a bit less crazy now. And god, I fucking miss her like woah. I haven't had her in over a week and it's killing me. That sounds so, I dunno, crass perhaps, but it's completely true.

But I really don't want to wear the pants. I don't want decisions to be left up to me. I don't want to be the one making the booty calls as she so eloquently put it last night on the phone. Really, god, way to make me feel like the world's biggest slut. Thank you, Amanda. Why does it have to be me needing her? Because in all actuality, she was totally the one on top of me on the floor (never mind I think it might have been me who sat down first).

I just don't want to be in charge. God, I don't know what I'm doing. I've never done this before. I don't want to do something wrong and mess this all up. I don't want something I've done to be the reason things go wrong. Maybe that's why she doesn't want to 'wear the pants'. Maybe she's thinking that if she does something I'm going to get upset and leave her. So if she leaves Miss Brie in charge then nothing bad will ever happen.

She's right about the bad part. But she tends to forget that if she leaves me in charge, the only thing we're ever going to be doing is making out, because A. that's about all I know how to initiate (and dude, not even well by the way) and B. well, I'm infamous for my good girl stance on life.

Really, if she leaves this all up to me we'll be living like prudish old people. And thus, she ought to wear the pants. What an archaic saying by the way. Because frankly, we both look better in skirts anyways.

EDIT
Mmm, I think I need some new icons…

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