So basically I am just a horny teenager. But there was never any sin in that right? I mean c'mon. It's not like we did anything bad. Making out for um, like fifteen minutes isn't bad. God it's anything but bad. And her sucking on my ear also qualifies about as far from the bad category as a person can get.
Oh god we had the best 97 minutes a person can have. We sent the children off to their own movie and then hung out in her volvo. I do have to say that making out in the front seat is probably more difficult than making out in the backseat but whatever because at this point I don't think I care. So I have a rundown of the events if for no other purpose than when I'm missing her again I can reread what happened tonight.
She called me when we were pulling into the theater. I didn't answer because we saw her and Ash right inside. After some momentary witty banter and a slightly awkward hello the kids bought their tickets, drinks and we saw them off into their own theather with them under the assumption that we'd be seeing a different movie and the parental units under the impression the four of us were going to the same movie. So with the children settled in we meandered to the car, linking arms for a few hundred feet before we reached the volvo.
So we sat in the front and she gave me volume 1 of the collection of songs she's been keeping about me. I believe it was entitled “Songs that would have made you fall for me sooner” or something to that effect. She also wrote me a note that she stuck into the front of the case. We ate twizzlers and teddy grahams amid some well placed innuendos while listening to Bob Dylan for about a half hour. Then I finally popped in the CD she'd made me and we listened for awhile and didn't really say much.
There was this whole conversation I had planned out but it never really came out of me. I wanted to ask her what she wanted from our relationship, what the two of us were and where we stood. I wanted to tell her all of my flaws because I want her to know what she's getting herself into. For as long as I've known her, I'm not a very open person by nature. I mean maybe she already knows all the things I was going to tell her but if she doesn't I don't want them to be the reason the two of us don't work out.
So finally we got to a point where my head was on her shoulder and her arm was around me. I could see our reflection in the sunglasses hanging from her visor and I guess I just watched her for a long time. Finally after having sat in the car for almost an hour I said something meaningful.
“I don't think I know which hurts more. This,” I did a sort of hand motion to the two of us just sitting quietly, “or not seeing you at all.”
And I was just being honest. It was killing me inside. I'm not sure why but at that moment I think my heart was closer to breaking than all the times I had sat in bed at night and thought about her. And what does she go and do? She apologizes of all things. I wasn't trying to make her feel bad, I think I was attempting to explain my silence throughout our sitting together.
At that point I turned around from having my head on her shoulder to facing her. I was like, why would you apologize? You haven't done anything wrong! And she just kind of shrugged and smiled at me in that adorable way that makes me melt. So I hugged her again and buried my face in her neck just sort of breathing in her smell. God she smells wonderful. After that I tried to be sweet. I couldn't tell if she was nervous or what she was thinking but she was breathing sort of funny.
We just sat there for awhile longer until I got up the courage to kiss her on the cheek. It was just a soft little peck but then she moved a little with each kiss until I was kissing her lips. And it was just perfect. I don't think I've ever felt that way about kissing anyone. I don't think I've ever felt that way period. I just sort of paused and let her take over and it was just…just wow. If I thought kissing her the first time was good, the second and third and fourth times were five times better. No, infinitely better.
Eventually my brain needed oxygen and she had been lying on my arm so my hand was asleep. So she stroked my hand and I watched the bead on her necklace move up and down on her pulse with every heartbeat, my head on her chest. Then once I could finally feel my fingers I squeezed her hand back and she started sucking on my ear. Again, just wow. Wow, wow wow wow wow wow times everything. Then my phone alarm went off and scared the two of us shitless. We had to go back and get the kids because their movie was over. So we're just sort of getting composed and I made some comment about being slimy and we laughed. I think I had spit all down the front of my sweatshirt. But I don't care.
I ended up leaving the CD she made me in her car. On the way back inside she had her arms around me and she was talking to the back of my neck. I could hardly walk and we kept laughing and smiling and giggling. We ended up being early to get them from their movie so we hung out in teh chairs at the side of the entrance to the actual theaters, sort of near where you can buy food.
I think the two of us were still just in shock mode, so it was probably better that it took our sisters nearly 20 minutes to get out. We could have stayed in the car longer, but we wouldn't have been composed at all if we had. She kept playing footsie with me under the table and smiling secretively. She gave me a necklace, which I am wearing right now and I'll admit it was a silly little gesture but it's a gift all the same. She said she just bought it on a whim, which makes me grin like the world's biggest idiot. She was cold so I leant her my sweatshirt, which she still has now because I know she wanted something of mine. I don't mind, I know I'll get it back eventually. I know where she lives.
So we basically had the perfect afternoon. I can't think of a thing I'd change except perhaps have the sisters see a longer movie. There are plans for us to swap sisters after school next thursday and have Ash stay over my house and me stay over hers. I'm not sure if she can pull it off, but god I hope she does. I won't see her again until school on Wednesday now. And things are going to be different then, I know it.
I think my only regret is that I didn't ever have the conversation with her that I wanted. I still don't really know where we stand. I didn't even get my CD from her 😦 But I have a list of the songs. And I plan on keeping tonight to tide me over until the next time I see her. I feel so silly and childish, like a love-struck-teenager, but maybe that's what I am. Would that be such a bad thing?
1. Into the Morning – The Weekend
2. The Adventure – Angels & Airwaves
3. Call Me – Blondie
4. Spin Me Round – Frankie Goes to Hollywood
5. Everytime We Touch – Cascada
6. Sweet Child of Mine – Guns 'n' Roses
7. Why Can't I? – Liz Phair
8. In the Margins – Ani DiFranco
9. Talk – Coldplay
10. Hotel California – The Eagles
11. Every Little Thing She Does – Sting & The Police
12. Lulluby – Dixie Chicks
13. The Shape You Found Me In – Girlyman
14. Come Away – Norah Jones
15. Look After You – The Fray
16. Happy Together – The Turtles
17. Sewn – The Feeling
18. Never Giving Up – B*Witched
ps :: totally made out to 14 -> the end 😀