Are we in a fight?
Fucking A! Are we in a fight? Are you insane? I'm thinking perhaps yes at this point. I don't know what to do with you. I call you to make plans, you don't pick up your phone. You get pissed when your stalker calls you twice in two days but then you wonder if I'm mad at you if I don't call you for three days!!! Make up your mind already!!!! I can't take this!!!!
I wonder if she got that job. She probably failed the drug test. Why is it that I can't be into someone nice and safe and totally like myself. Nope. I have to go for the messed up, drugged up, freaking God only knows what one. I need therapy more than she does.
So the therapist's name is Judith. Judith Mills? Maybe it's Mills. I could very well be pulling that out of my ass. I don't know. I'm just confused about the whole thing. Although this lends to the earlier thoughts about finding the therapist and finding out if she ever has talked about me. Totally screw that whole patient confidentiality thing if you ask me. Because there are things a person needs to know in life.
This sort of applies as one of them.
On a more (less?) personal note, my mother's car was robbed today. She didn't lock the doors when she went into McDonald's to pee. I never write about goings on in my life so I'm not sure what is possessing me to do this today. I blame the heat wave.
The boss has screwed up my summer. She's going on vacation with Jules for two weeks to New York and Philly so I'm left up the creek. No check means no $$ – a well known fact however without money how am I supposed to pay my insurance? A whole fucking summer of work for a lousy $200 when it's all said, done and paid for.
Marge at the pool is very hot I decided today. I think since I've come clean with myself about the whole Amanda thing it's opened a whole new light on the world. I'm still not entirely comfortable with the idea of liking her I don't think. But the fact that I'm dreaming about her probably is a step in the comfort direction. Or in the obessession direction. Which really, either way works for me at this point.
But yes, Marge – she just looks very familiar perhaps. I'm not sure if I'm attracted to her, but I sure as hell get nervous around her and I had a mildly horrifying thought sequence whilst peeing in the girls locker room. Maybe I'm embracing this new lifestyle too quickly for my own good. Did I actually call this a new lifestyle?
A. My mother would shoot me.
B. My father would flip a shit.
C. Try explaining this to the relations.
D. My sister? How about Ashley? Oh god, not going there.
And thus this is not a lifestyle. It's a passing phase. I think.
Well whatever I've deemed it for the day it seems I am no closer to getting through my college essays that were supposed to be done like hum, two weeks ago if not before? I'll do them before I get back, I know I will. I hope I will. I pray I will.
And if not, well then I guess it's just business as usual for me. Am I in a fight with her? Give me a break.