Let's begin…

So I suppose one can only write so much sucky mind poetry before it becomes conclusivly evident that something has gone terribly wrong. No, this isn't the end of the world as we know it, but rather some sick preview of what my life has (and/or will ultimately) become.

It's safe to say that I am officially one of the sorriest, most pathetic people out there when it comes to expressing myself. Albeit the incident with Ping this summer, I should think most people would tend to agree (save Nina, though she's known me for too long so I think her opinion is considered marginally biased at this point). But I digress… I cannot seem to verbalize what it is I want to convery and it's come to a head, circumventing the fact that I am no longer in total control of my emotions.

I'm quite used to feeling like my world is spinning out of control – after all, these days what with freak hurricanes, bad politics, global warming, cheating spouses and the works, what teenager in his or her right mind is feeling in control – but I'm more or less usually controling what I'm thinking about, what I'm daydreaming about, what is on my mind at any given time, and how I feel about it. This is no longer so.

I keep coming back to the same things and my mind can only rationalize so much with good friends till the point where I need to finally accept my fate. A certain girlfriend tends to agree with me, though she will cry right along with me when this whole shebang blows up in my face. And so then I will be back at the beginning – square one – the big START square on the board of my highschool career.

Though, thats not to say I wouldn't do a few things differently – starting with that awful middleschool skirt and probably upping the edits to include enough social fax-paus in five years to cover about five lifetimes…

But life is only complicated because people make it that way…


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