So I’m currently in a very good mood. I’m captain of JV Tennis! So after I totally freaked the neighborhood boys by dancing around my sun-porch like a maniac, I settled down with a good squeal session with Monica. So yes, I am actually captain of JV. Co-captain granted with Morgan, but WHO CARES. Captain is captain. I am happier than I can express.
Today was pretty good overall. I finished Flags of Our Fathers, got a reply post from Cristina, watched hot boys get even hotter as they got sweaty playing basketball, listened to Carly Simon. I didn’t work on my Math Packet as I had hoped to, but Rome wasn’t built in a day, right?
We went down to the boat tonight for dessert. I sat on the bow and watched the sunset and I felt this pang in my heart. I don’t know if it was guilt but it was definitely regret. Regret about all the (ok, so I say all like there were a lot to begin with but whatever) relationships that I’ve turned my back on and how I must have made him feel. Regret because to this day I still think about what would have happened if I had pretended that things could go somewhere – having someone to hold hands with and put my head on his shoulder as we watched that sunset. Spending time together doing nothing – I regret missing out on all that. But I know somewhere in my heart that it wouldn’t have worked and that using them for my own romantic needs is heartless.
But it was still lonely up there all by myself…